Director: Paul Hoen
Runtime: 1h 34m
Release Date: Feburary 16th, 2018
Stars: Milo Manheim, Meg Donnelly, James Godfrey |
Rated: TV-G
Synopsis: A zombie and a cheerleader work together to show the town of Seabrook what they can achieve when they embrace their differences and celebrate what makes them a community.
★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
"You're either pro-cheerleader, or pro-zombie."
Guys... I have some unexpected news........... this movie is bad. It is really, really bad.For those of you who don't already know what this is, I need to give context for this movie. It is a Disney Channel original movie (so not necessarily a film of high caliber), and it's like if High School Musical, Warm Bodies, Hairspray, and a preteen girl all made a romance movie together but everyone was blindfolded and mildly drunk.
The film tells the story of a suburban town that has survived the zombie apocalypse. Technology has been developed that lets those infected live a normal life, but the risk of zombies relapsing is a constant threat so they're segregated into slums nicknamed "Zombietown." With the start of a new school year, zombie students will be allowed to attend school with humans for the first time.
If any of that sounded remotely interesting or novel, I can assure you that the movie fumbles every ounce of potential and drops it into a bottomless pit.
Also it's a musical.
The movie is, somehow, an allegory for the racial integration in the American school system. I think. Either way the themes are handled TERRIBLY. The movie's just not smart enough to handle such heavy and important topics through allegory because it's too busy trying to be fun and dumb. If, by some wild breach of thought, the allegory was accidental, which I acknowledge could be possible, then I am baffled. There are such oddly clear parallels to American racism: segregated schools, zombies being unable to buy houses in human neighborhoods, an odd Jackie Robinson-esque subplot about a zombie joining the school football team, zombies not being allowed to eat at establishments with humans, etc, etc. I'm not saying children's movies can't handle topics as heavy as racism. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that THIS movie does not handle such themes.
Basically, you can't cover themes like that in a made-for-TV movie aimed at preteen girls who want to fuck a pale "zombie" boy with green hair. The girls don't want that, so you end up having to sacrifice the message to be marketable.
Also, it's a musical? But they just sing reprises of the same four songs, only one of which actually has plot-relevant lyrics. And the songs are bad.
Also the zombie makeup is literally just slapping on some flour and dying your hair green. Voila.
Now, I have something to admit about this movie. I watched it with two of my friends on live television the night it first aired. Because we're dumb, we accidentally tuned in 15 minutes late and missed all the exposition, so the first time we watched it it was baffling. The movie played again later in the evening so we did eventually watch the first few scenes, and I admit that the missed scenes might have hindered my understanding of the movie. So I apologize for that. But the movie is still bad.
Should you watch this movie? If you like dumb movies and you've got some friends over, sure. It's really a good time to make fun of. Get a little drunk, maybe. Should you watch it alone? No. Go watch Warm Bodies.
-Claire
(also who named this movie? Zombies? THAT'S IT? YOU CAN"T PUT IN AN EXTRA FOUR GODDAMN SECONDS?)
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